Virgin (After navigating a maze of options Mktg finally gets hold of a human.) Hi, you are through to (gives name.) How can I help you?
Mktg Hi, I'm a customer and I've received an email saying I can get premium Spotify for free for six months, but on the website it says I need to upgrade my service to 30Mb, even though I've already got 30Mb. (Gives postcode and payment details.)
Virgin You're through to the wrong department. It was an enquiry about Spotify, right? I'll put you through to customer services. (Mktg holds. The hold music is Subo.) Hello, you're through to (gives name), can I take your account number?
Mktg I'm calling about broadband and don't have my account number. (Gives postcode and payment details.) I have a simple enquiry about Spotify (explains situation).
Virgin You've already got it.
Mktg How do I access it then?
Virgin For that I will have to connect you to our technical team. I'm not really sure about Spotify, let me help you out. Please hold.
(Mktg is put through to a third call-handler.) Can I take your telephone number please?
Mktg I'm not calling on a Virgin Media phone. (Gives postcode and payment details for third time.)
Virgin Thank you. How can I help you with your broadband?
Mktg (Explains Spotify conundrum for third time.) Do you know anything about this?
Virgin I will help you with that (line breaks up a little) ... message you see on the screen.
Mktg Sorry, the line's bad; did you say I'm already registered?
Virgin I said I will take remote access if you allow me to, so that I can see the message on your desktop.
Mktg I'm at work so I can't give you access. Am I eligible for Spotify? That's all I want to know.
Virgin Just give me a minute while I put you on hold (Mktg holds.) When was the last time you saw the error message?
Mktg There is no error message. (Explains situation again.)
Virgin You are undoubtedly on 30Mb broadband, so can you call when you're at home so we can gain remote access to your computer?
Mktg OK, bye.
VERDICT: 1 out of 10
Awful. No resolution was offered. Mole had to contact the customer service team via Twitter to discover that Spotify was launched on Virgin at the end of last year, meaning the only way long-standing customers can qualify is to 're-contract' for another 12 months.